I'm an avid reader and reviewer of romance books, especially m-m and erotica. You can find me on http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4669232-baba-marcus-tyler-tate-dan-ty-hunter
1 star. DNF at 70 %. Review completed March 17, 2014
I think there is a thin line between good humor and sinking into the depths of ridiculousness. Certain sentences in South Row are slightly, only slightly, reminiscent of Charlotte Stein's Addicted which I didn't enjoy at all. There wasn't anything remotely funny about South Row. Not even South acting as an awkward and simple-minded klutz could elicit a laugh out of me. Besides, trying so hard to come across as hilarious missed the mark completely, at least for me. If anything, it felt contrived and unbelievable. At no time was I ever able to connect with the characters, all of whom I found unlikable, shallow and silly. Plus, I didn't care for the plot or the added drama and don't get me started on the cheese factor. SapsVille said to say hello. While the waterworks were flowing very generously, not once was I close to crying myself. To be honest, this story provided one major eye rolling moment after another.
I said it before and I will say it again. I don't want to read over and over again how hunky all those men (especially the hero) are; and I don't need to read over and over again how beautiful the heroine is. Don't get me wrong. It's fine by me that we have two very attractive main protagonists but it makes the writing very repetitive when I'm confronted with their physical merits all. The. Time. Also, I was ready to lend poor Collin a towel, just so he could soak up all the wetness between South's thighs. Boy, one could think they were jumping each other's bones at all times but you couldn't be more wrong. I quit at 70 % and they hadn't even done the deed yet. And no, I didn't throw in the towel due to lack of smexin' or anything. I just couldn't stand the characters and didn't appreciate the writing style and plot, so I gave up.
Well, we've had creaming and rippling pussies and coochies that do flips of joy, clenching lady bits, tightening and pebbling nipples and peaks and strained breasts, coated panties (and more coated/soaked panties), pulsing and throbbing dicks. Then there was lust and more lust. And let's not forget all the chuckling, chuckling, chuckling, growling, snarling, groaning, giggling, winking and gasping. Oh, the gasps…*Baba gasps* The heroine can stomp her foot like a pouting toddler. Besides, South does the transformation from being a shy and inexperienced semi-virgin girl to an annoying bitch in the blink of an eye. Astounding. I think she's definitely not a woman who should represent our female population. To be very straightforward, I would call her a juvenile twat. And what was up with that so-called hero? When I quit at 70 % (view spoiler) But it's all right to act like a hypocritical jerk. What an ass. What I found mighty unrealistic was the fact that South hadn't (view spoiler) Uh-huh. Seriously? And then when they were face to face again, Collin was on fire for little South in a heartbeat and vice versa. I mean she stole his money and vanished into thin air out of the blue. For ten years he heard nothing, nada, zilch from her and yet they acted like starstruck teenagers. Hey, no biggie, you can't blame neither of them except their short-circuited brains. And last but not least I was irritated by their never ending trivial inner monologues.
Another problem was…
…because it wasn't engaging. Thanks, Lenore, for letting me borrow your gif. :)
Quotes to your perusal:
"Oh, God, I'm gonna burst a blood vessel in my coochie if you don't fuck me soon. Jesus…"
He is trying his hardest not to look down at my chest, but I want him to. I want him to see my boobies. I've grown into them. They're nice and supple, fucking juicy. I don't have kid boobs anymore.
"I don't have kid boobs anymore," I blurt out…because I have no fucking filter. Oh, my God! Shut up, twatwaffle!
My coochie flips in excitement, clapping her hands together and screaming like an excited Valley girl. Oh, my gawd, I want him!
Taking things a step further, I shove my hands underneath Collin's shirt and place them on his hot body. He's blazing. No, seriously, he's on fire. Argh! Not like that. I mean, yeah, he's got a hot body, but that's not what I'm talking about here.
"Collin, are you sick? You're burning up." I break away from the kiss with concern.
South, I think your brain cells are fried.
And boy, what a kiss! It makes my toes curl, my head spin, my tummy flutter, my panties wet. All tension seems to vanish with his lips on mine like this. I am putty in his hands. Like the strings of a guitar, he plucks me just the right way to get beautiful music. In this kiss, he owns me.
Quickly, I strip my tee over my head. I don't know about him, but I mean business. Insert slot A into slot B type business. He does the same, so I guess we mean the same type of business; but…wow.
Her panties are utterly soaked, you would think she sat in water or peed herself. The heady scent of her arousal fries the remaining synapses in my brain and I snap.
But all she does is shiver, widens her legs and grips my hair firmer as she presses me closer to where she wants me most…all while still yapping.
Baba: I don't yap. *pets doggie South*
"I'm just saying; I might be a little tight down there.(Baba: where have I heard that one before? Hmm…my Inner Goddess does a flip-flop. Not.) Maybe not as impenetrable as Guantanamo Bay, but tight like Fort Knox, you know? (view spoiler)
South Row is a (I quote) comedic romance. After having read a rather serious book, I thought it might be a good idea to check out something lighter, funnier. Frankly, I do enjoy humorous books and I particularly love the kind of humor of the following books:
Shaking the Sugar Tree
It saddens me to say that South Row didn't accomplish to make it on my list of best humorous books. It wasn't my cup of tea kind of humor.
**Review at request of author, Ghiselle St. James**