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Baba

Reading is like breathing...

I'm an avid reader and reviewer of romance books, especially m-m and erotica. You can find me on http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4669232-baba-marcus-tyler-tate-dan-ty-hunter 

Twisted  - Emma Chase

2.5 stars. I rounded up to 3 stars due to the fantastic epilogue told from Drew's POV. Review completed April 7, 2014

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After having read and enjoyed Holy Frigging Matrimony: A Tangled Series Short Story back in December 2013, I interviewed Drew for the Berner Zeitung for the first time. I have decided to do another interview. Brace yourselves coz Baba is not in the best of mood and she gotta give it to them straight.

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(view spoiler)

Drew pulls the front of his pants away from his waist and looks down. "Nope--still got a dick. Which explains a lot, because your reasoning would only make sense to a woman." 

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The story of my life, I got sidetracked by the quotes. Let's give it another shot, shall we?

********************

Baba: 
Hello Drew. It's me again. Baba, a freelance journalist for the Berner Zeitung.

Drew: 
*makes confused face* Excuse me, should I know you?

Baba: 
*makes angelic face* Yes, Drew sweetie, we've met already, although under much more pleasant circumstances. But then again, you're looking at plenty of women, I'm only a plain little number among so many staggering flowers.

Drew: 
No, no, no. I only look at my sweet Kate these days. (view spoiler) Uh...I'm really sorry but your face doesn't seem familiar to me.

Baba: 
That's entirely possible since my face looks a tiny bit strained after having witnessed that effin' clusterfuck of yours. Do I make myself clear? By the way, Kate's on her way to meet up with us, so she can contribute something "nice" to this cozy round of ours. I hope she's got a good color in store coz I gotta tell you, dude, anything is possible! 

Drew: 
*rubs his hands desperately* *sweat breaks out on his forehead* Uh…I'm not sure how to respond to you; proper words seem to elude me at the moment.

Baba: 
A speechless Drew. Wonders will never cease! You don't have to say anything at all right now coz I'm so effin' pissed off. *Baba fumes*

Someone is knocking resolutely at the door.

Baba: 
Come on in!

Kate: 
Hi! Sorry, I'm late.

Baba: 
That's alright, Kate honey. *Baba smiles sweetly at Kate* I'm enjoying Drew's company and we've had quite a chat already. However, if you're late again I'm going to staple your hands to the conference table. 

Kate: 
*gasps* 

Drew: 
*mouths at Kate* She must be PMSing.

Baba: 
Shut it, Drew. I can lip-read. I am over-fucking-joyed to see you both. Now let's get down to business, shall we? I swear you two need a divine intervention to save you from your own stupidity and that's why I'm here. Oh, and Kate honey, remove your Jimmy Choos and put them in the corner, please. I don't want to get one of those thrown at my head when you can't rein in your temper while I'm going to give you a well-deserved lecture!

Kate: 
*makes a hurt face but removes shoes* *a little tear slips out of the corner of her left eye* 

Baba:
Oh please, don't push it, Katie baby. Remember, you're (view spoiler)

Drew:
Let's get back to the topic at hand. What did you mean with Kate having a good color in store?

Baba:
Well, I gotta jog your memory, Drew sweetie. *Baba makes a stern face*

(view spoiler)

Drew:
I must be a bit slow on the uptake…I don't get it.

Kate: 
*chimes in* Yes, I don't understand it either.

Baba: 
*says to Kate* Still on cloud nine busy thinking about Dick Lick 101? 

Kate: 
*makes pouty face* That's not true! You are so mean, Baba.

Baba:
*says to Drew* Yep, I distinctly remember that you were slow on the uptake as well when I was talking to you about TGIF during our last interview. BTW, that was so much fun, wasn't it? Well, back to the issue at hand. Let's see…a little green paint from Drew, some yellow paint from Kate, and Baba is going to shake it all together, and boom--she gets a whole new couple at the end of that process. A sexy lovestruck couple who happens to talk to each other early, often and well. Et voilà. Easy peasy. No more clusterfucks of epic proportions in the future.

Drew:
(view spoiler)

Baba: 
Excuse me? What do you mean?

Drew: 
Your lecture, of course, are you going to (view spoiler)

Baba: 
See? I am so pro communication, you morons! Do I have to spell it out for you? Lack of communication and miscommunication is one of my biggest pet peeves! In case your minds are still functioning, you can use your brain cells to give a couple impulses so you can form reasonable words and compose entire (coherent) sentences. You don't just assume stuff all the time. Use your mouth to ask questions or use sign language or whatever the hell you want but do communicate properly please. If the questions are not answered satisfactorily then you do a follow up. Do. Not. Jump. To. Conclusions. Ever. And, to respond to your question, yes, (view spoiler) Geez, this is more important than Kama Sutra and Michelangelo. 

Kate:
I'd like to…

Baba:
Hold off, Kate. Here's the next lecture. (view spoiler) and being completely unsuspecting borders on juvenile behavior. Come on, really? What the heck were you thinking?
Plus, it's too easy to blame (view spoiler) spoiling for a fight. You were being irrational and unfair.

Kate: 
Erm…

Baba: 
Spare me. I don't wanna hear it. And this is my final lecture. I could practically smell (view spoiler) blah blah blah. I didn't like your POV because you are not half as funny as Drew who, lucky me, made me laugh my ass off once again. (*Drew smiles smugly at Kate*) But, unfortunately, didn't really save the book for me. (*Drew's smug smile has been wiped off his face*) The plot was incredibly predictable at all levels and way too lame to justify that exorbitant price of 8.13 euro for 273 legendary (excuse me, I'm being sarcastic) pages.

Drew:
I think I should be in charge for the next book. Kate honey, don't give me that look, please. It's not my fault that my POV is funnier, cruder and more engaging. *smiles innocently*

Baba: 
Yep, I want your POV back and all of your brain cells. Naturally this extends to Kate as well (I mean the brain cells not the POV). You need to step up your game, guys!


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*******************

Let me lay it all out. I think the plot was effin' ridiculous, unrealistic and that (view spoiler) plot device is so old it's not even funny anymore. Jumping to conclusions, misunderstanding over misunderstanding and the whole situation is totally FUBAR. I didn't like Kate's POV which, by the way, kinda reminded me of Drew but wasn't as stellar as Drew's, not by a long shot. And what the heck was up with Billy? If I remember correctly I didn't like that asshat in Tangled at all and now I kinda fell for kind Billy boy. Huh? Did he have a personality change? Also, I think that Kate was as much to blame for that epic clusterfuck as Drew. Seriously? It's just pathetic and I doubt that real people would act so stupidly. And last but not least, I was so effin' annoyed when Drew and Kate (view spoiler) I mean WTF? Did she do it to prolong the misery? Jesus Christ on a crutch. It goes without saying that the epilogue was the BEST part of the entire book. I want Drew's POV back. Drew forever. <33333

Recommended to readers who enjoy to read a predictable clusterfuck. Well, who knows, Drew might make it worth your while…

Drew:
*spluttering* Baba, how dare you not recommend our book unconditionally?

"In the last two years, I've probably told you a dozen times that I would do anything for you." He shrugs. "It's time I put up or shut up." 

Wise call, Drew.

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And think back what I told you in our last interview about TGIF. Go practice! It might help to make your sweet Kate happy.

My very last word…
(view spoiler)

 

It might be fun to read my spoilers. Please check out the GR link below. :)

Source: http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/624905544?utm_medium=email&utm_source=rating